This is a great post and I’ve pretty much uttered everything on that list at least once.
Here’s the list with interpertations
20. That’s weird….
What the hell did you do?
19. It’s never done that before.
There’s a first time for everything, try it again and leave me alone
18. It worked yesterday.
Have you tried restarting WebShpincter…
17. How is that possible?
Proceed to bash head against wall
16. It must be a hardware problem.
God damn diode dick electrical engiqueers
15. What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?
Are you sure you have opposable thumbs?
14. There is something funky in your data. OR It’s a data problem, not a program problem.
Garbage in, garbage out, WTF are you stupid or something
13. I haven’t touched that module in weeks!
Software rots you fool
12. You must have the wrong version.
You’re obviously a moron
11. It’s just some unlucky coincidence.
Everyonce in a while a neutrino zaps a bit, you’ll get over it, computers aren’t deterministic
10. I can’t test everything!
and even if I could you’re not paying me enough
9. THIS can’t be the source of THAT.
You’re living in a fantasy.
8. It works, but it hasn’t been tested.
Good luck with all that…
7. Somebody must have changed my code.
And I know who the asshole is…
6. Did you check for a virus on your system?
Have you tried rebooting, idiot.
5. Even though it doesn’t work, how does it feel?
I’m in denial, but seriously do you like the way it looks
4. You can’t use that version on your system.
What a noob
3. Why do you want to do it that way?
Don’t you have something better to do, like annoying someone else.
2. Where were you when the program blew up?
Its your problem, deal with it.
And the Number One Thing Programmers Say When Their Programs Don’t Work:
1. It works on my machine.
What are you, fucking stupid